Confessions of a changed dude…..

Songs can really impact your life. One very good example is Michael Jackson. He has enlightened many people’s hearts and penned songs that have impacted many lives. In my case, he has always been a source of inspiration to me. I don’t know what made me to write this, but sometimes loneliness can really make you do things that you don’t want to do. For the past few days, I’ve been blighted by this bout of loneliness. I just don’t know why? At times I feel abandoned even though I have friends and family behind my back. Why is this happening?

Songs such as Mazhaiye, Mazhaiye ( Rain, Rain ), en kadhal solla( I tell my love ), oru devathai( one angel ) and oru kal( one stone ) has deeply infected me with this sense of insecurity and loneliness. I try hard not to hear these songs, but my heart says LISTEN TO IT! I just can’t take the fact that I’m being influenced by songs which are meant for entertainment purposes only. This happens to me all the time!

A small part of my heart says I’m contented with life but there is a small part in my heart which is affecting me the most! Everyone seems to have this problem. That problem is hard to be abolished unless you find that special person. That is LOVE. Some people might say Love is complicated and never to be trusted at all cost. In my family life, I’m pretty contented with my parents and my brother. They are showering me with lots of love and they are the ones who sculptured me.

However, I’ve always had this intention of having a life partner and sharing all my stuffs with that particular person. For the past few days, I have been bothered by thoughts of this person. The more I communicate with that person, the more feelings I develop towards that person. I just can’t stand the fact that I have to keep that feelings to myself and not tell it to her. This has been happening to me for the past few weeks. The moment I went berserk was when she showed a video of a guy confessing to a girl. At that point, I seriously felt like confessing and just be frank about it. I’m a person who hates to keep things to myself.

Every day, I constantly think of her. At times, I try to ignore that thought but it will never go away. Every guy would always say this, I will find that ONE. This year, my heart says I have found that ONE. However, it is going one sided. Some of my friends have told me to ignore her. How am I supposed to do that? She is written on my heart already. I cannot take that ink away. If it happens, the consequences would be dire. Even though, I have already lost hope on her but I can’t seem to find other girls enticing. She certainly has written something deep in heart that it cannot be taken away. She might not realize it but man, it has impacted me.

In my mind, I might be an insane writing this. My heart though says write this. This essay will constantly remind me of the cruelty of life. Sometimes you can’t seem to get the thing that we treasure the most. You can call me an emo freak or emotional induced human but this is the fact. I’m sure there are many guys out there who have the same thoughts as me. They just express it in different ways.

I’m just hoping that time will heal things and make me a better person. I used to be the happy go lucky guy who loves to entertain and joke around. The tide has changed. I’m certainly a changed person. Life can be very damning!

Bangkok – 2nd time is always a charm.

Sex heaven, language barrier and high crime rate, ditch these things and you will certainly say Bangkok is an enticing city. I had a blast in Thailand and I’m certainly coming back again. At first, I wasn’t happy because I had no intention of going Bangkok.

However, I have to thank my mum for tagging me along for this trip. Basically, things were good and I even shortlisted Bangkok as my base to establish my career as a journalist. City life is bustling in Bangkok. Those days, people had the notion that Thai people are rural and will not catch up with city life. You know what, Thai people proved us wrong. I have so many good things to say about this city. From the food to girls, everything was plain awesome.

The girls were just awesome! Not the prostitutes but the normal Thai citizens. Even not so good looking man can have a beautiful girl. There is abundance of good looking girls! I just don’t know why, every Thai girl attracted me. They even outclassed the foreign tourist who visited Bangkok. This might sound desperate but if I had the opportunity to marry a Thai girl, I might grab it!

The food – Ohh laa laa! It was perfect. When you say Thai food, people would refer to Tom Yam and Mango Salad. They have many other dishes which I consider masterpiece. Green curry, Som Tam, Cashew Nut and the roadside grilled chicken are items which can make you drool. Though Thai people consume lots of pork, but the other meat based items are good too. One item which caught my attention was the coconut ice cream. It was the boom! I’ve never tasted such creamy and sweet ice cream. The texture of the coconut makes it even better.

Bangkok certainly offers a wide array of variety. It’s a bustling metropolitan with a reputation of being notorious but fun at the same time. Who cares about the protest happening between the certain factions! Ditch that crap and experience the life of Thai people in Bangkok. One thing which I like to emphasise is the advertising sector in Thailand.

Advertising wannabes in Malaysia, Thailand is certainly a place to look forward! Creative and catchy, that sums up the advertising industry in Thailand. The advertisements, whether it is on television or billboard, they were awesome! We just have to salute these guys!! We can learn a thing or two from them!

The shopping!!! Mann, I’m a dude and I called this place as shopping heaven. I purchased some cloths from here!!! Mann, they are cheap!!! Those who really want to shop please do come to Bangkok. Places like Cha Tu Chak and MBK are places to look up to. Even the toiletries are cheap here.

One thing is for sure, I’m coming back to this place again! I certainly enjoyed the company of my family and Uncle Pong’s family.

Bangkok – Here I come!!

My 10th posting!!!!

What a milestone!!! For the first time i've hit 10!!! One achievement which i'm pretty impressed. I am never consistent in maintaining a blog. I used to have three blogs and all of them are currently inactive. I vowed to myself to keep this blog running and improve my typing and writing skills. Hopefully, in the months to come i will be reaching my 100th posting!

It has been a very funny but frustrating day for me. First, my scandalous picture was posted on Facebook. All thanks to Wai Siong!!! One word..... CRAP! i did not expect this to happen. When i was told that this picture was posted on facebook, i was skeptical at first. However, my worst fears were confirmed. Should i be angry or take this as a practical joke. However, it was pretty damning and i was a sour grape at some moments. To those who faced my sour grape-ness. From the bottom of my heart, i'm very sorry. Now i realise the pain faced by celebrities who have the personal pictures leaked out on the net or tv. I just hope this doesn't happen again.

Another thing which i came across today is paranormal activities. I don't really believe in ghost but based on what people say, it can be BELIEVABLE!!! One of my friend experienced it today. I just don't get it. How does this things happen?

What is paranormal activity? Paranormal is a general term (coined circa 1915–1920) that designates experiences that lie outside "the range of normal experience or scientific explanation", or which indicates phenomena understood to be outside of science's current ability to explain or measure. Paranormal phenomena are distinct from certain hypothetical entities, such as dark matter and dark energy, insofar as paranormal phenomena are inconsistent with the world as already understood through empirical observation coupled with scientific methodology.

Stories relating to paranormal phenomena are found in popular culture, folklore, and the recollections of individual subjects. In contrast, the scientific community, as referenced in statements made by organizations such as the United States National Science Foundation, maintains that scientific evidence does not support a variety of beliefs that have been characterized as paranormal.( quoted from Wikipedia )

As you may see from the definition, this is certainly a phenomenon that is spreading it's wings. Many people are frightened by the term paranormal. I've never experienced this kind of situations before and i don't want to experience it at all.. Luckily there was GOD! He has guided me and also protected me! Hail GOD! =)

That's about it for now. Will come up with more postings...

Kudos

=)

Pictures....

Here are some pictures which i snapped and did some tiny bit of editing.....

Enjoy... =)

I'm still learning the art of photography. Sony T100 has been my loyal companion for the past five years. It has served me well but i wish to get a DSLR version..... Currently planning to save money to get one of those days and broaden my photography skills

That's about it!!

Kudos...

=)

Motivation....

As you may know, to bring a persons confidence up, you have to motivate them. This semester, i took this subject called Organizational and Industrial Psychology. To some it might be a pain. However, i find this subject quite interesting in a way. You learn how to handle workers and try to organise a organization. Organise a organization...Sounds catchy!! LOL...Had to complete tutorial 6 for this subject. Seven questions, handled with ease though there was some slide glitch in question 6.

Mums and Thina going to Penang tomorrow!!! I wish i could follow them. It's been six months since i've stepped foot on Pearl Island. Love that place!! The beaches, food and people!! I call that place paradise though the heatwave is decreasing its PARADISE VALUE...LOL

Stayed there for seven years and i will always cherish this island. Lots of memories!! Lots of it! Hopefully, for this sem break, i will be able to feed myself to go to Penang. Gonna eat, swim and as usual, CUCI MATA process!!

Today, was watching this tamil, Newtonin 3am Vidhi. What a name!! The director must have spent a day deriving this name. SJ Suryah, an actor which i despise the most! we call him BAPOK!! And in this movie, he shows his BAPOK-ness!! A guy screaming and walking like a soft dude!! Mann, he should just stick to directing. The role did not suit him at all!! The heroin pulak, need to give her tutorials about acting. Such an amateurish acting!! Overall, the movie sucked!! The storyline was there but the portrayal of it was bad!

Gotta pack for tomorrow. Balik kampus!! Won't be seeing my family for the next 2 weeks. Sad, sad, sad....But i will be able to go through it. Just need some strength and brut!!

That's about for now!!

Kudos...

=)

It's been two weeks and now i'm back to Ipoh!!!! Feeling so damn happy!!! My ENGLAND memang chialat, so please bear with it!!! Just to see their faces, mann, my sombre week was changed in an instant. Now i'm feeling much better. Seeing my parents and Thina made my day. Seriously missed them. I call them everyday but nothing beats by looking at their presence!

So far, i've been quite unproductive in Ipoh. Hopefully, i will be productive later. Planning to bring my family out for a movie and then dinner. Might be watching Vinnaithandi Varuvaaya again. This movie certainly changed my perception towards love and life purposes. Though the ending was pretty tragic in a way but there is some sense into it. Simbhu and Trisha certainly played their roles and made me wanna have my very own 'JESSIE'. When will that moment come? Only time will tell.

One thing which i have realised lately is that i've been eating a lot. Seriously, A LOT!!!! Need to cut down on that. My weight loss plan is going off target due to my newfound habit. Got to get rid of it! Next two days, i will not be playing futsal. Gonna miss that thingy. Pretty addicted to it now. Everyday, after or even before class, i think of futsal. Feeling like 'SCHUMACHER' all of a sudden.

That's about it for today, will keep you guys updated in the days to come.

Kudos

=)

P.S.- It's not Michael Schumacher, it's Schumacher, Brazilian Futsal Numero Uno...=P

Meaningful quotes......

Some might say a quote can change a persons life for good or bad. Quotes certainly plays a role in life. Many philosophers and even the desolate people can create their own quotes and use them as a tonic for life. Yesterday, i came across few interesting quotes derived by famous people. They were interesting and at the same time moving. In tamil, you have PUNCH DIALOGUES but quotes have the ability to KO you!!!

Here are some quotes which i came across...

If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
-- Katharine Hepburn

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
-- Dalai Lama

There are two ways of meeting difficulties. You alter the difficulties or you alter yourself to meet them.
-- Phyllis Bottome

You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.
-- Mary Tyler Moore

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
-- William James


Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.
-- Bugs Bunny

Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened.
-- Dr. Seuss

These quotes can certainly spur you on. Even Bugs Bunny can make such a great quote! These are some of the quotes which attracted me. Following these quotes can certainly change your mindset and make you think that life has lots of possibilities..

That's about it!!

Kudos

=)

Confused....

I just can't take it anymore!!! I put myself in a dire situation and fret about it all the time. I have been having this 'EMO ATTACKS' since last year. I would rather have heart attacks than EMO ATTACKS! It's painful and i mean it! Even my friends are noticing changes in me. I just wanna be myself again but the situation that i've put myself in, i just can't seem to come out from it.

Everytime when i think about that person, i constantly ask myself, WHY NOT ME? I know i'm being very selfish but in life, i'm sure you want things your way. So far, i've never achieved such things. Just when i thought i have found the ONE, GOD had other plans for me. However, i wished that GOD abolished that plan and made me unite with the UNITE.

We still keep in touch but i just find it to be awkward to call her MACHI. It's just plain delusional! She has found the ONE now and i'm happy for her. It's just that some thoughts about her bother me all the time.

I still remember the times we used to talk for three hours on the phone, webcam chat on MSN and etc. It was just surreal. I wished i could do that almost everyday. At times, i can even feel her presence. I just feel like hugging her when she feels cold, comfort her when she is in pain, kiss on the forehead when she needs strength, look at her eyes all day long and watch after her when she is sleeping tight.

People tell 'Find another chick dude!!' It's easy to find but the chemistry. I just don't feel it. I don't have the mood to check out girls these days. Whenever i check out girls, one thing which springs to my mind is HER. I just can't seem to get her out of my equation.

Let me be honest, Jessica Alba, Megan Fox, Asin, Beyonce and Angelina Jolie might turn me on. She, turns me off and brings me to a whole new dimension. It may sound complex, but love can do wonders.

I'm just praying that time will heal things and change my situation. If i keep on thinking about this, i will never move on. I will be stranded and bloody clueless. I just need some changes.

Help is what i need and hopefully things will change for good.

Kudos

=(

Om........

Om... What does it mean? Om written in Sanskrit is "Aum" It has many meanings like the sound the universe made when it came into was created. Some people take this literally and some metaphorically. Why am i suddenly talking about OM?

My roommate is chatting OM while plucking a tune on the guitar. All of a sudden, dia jadi BHAKTI!!! lol.... But it sounded real good. I felt the vibrations around my room. Good vibrations, very good vibrations! Hearing it makes me feel at peace. It's just two letters but the IMPACT is very strong.

The day was fine. Attended for 2 tutorials today. Cycled to school today. The weather was just unbearable. Upon reaching class, i was drenched with SWEAT! Classes were OK though. Suzanne's class was intense but luckily i was able to cope with it. Mass media and society class produced the best out of certain students. One of my classmate couldn't even pronounce few jargon words. It was FUNNY!!! Laughed my heart out today!

One news which i really wanna share is Arsenal's victory against Porto! It was emphatic and Bendtner was the man. He is a talented but he is not that clinical in front of gol. Against Porto, he was a thorn. 3 goals, man he is in heaven. Silencing the critics is what footballers crave for! and he is done just that.

That's about it for today. Overall, a normal day!

Kudos

=)

Kampar - Wanna experience SAHARA in Malaysia...U r invited!!!

Heatwave...heatwave.....Even when it rains, it's still hot. Just can't bear with it. Sunburn spots here and there, sweating all the time and drinking fluids like some camel!!! It's just unbearable! It has been two months and the weather has been on 'FORM' throughout the year! Arghhh!!! Tak boleh tahan dah!!

Anyway, lets move on. Basically, today i attended for only one lecture as the other lecture class was canceled. Learned performance appraisal which was pretty interesting. It explained the ability of certain people to derive a feedback about the workers performance. As usual, terms will come into play and we have to remember it. However, with interest and passion, nothing is impossible. Just go in with a right frame mind and the rest is 'done and dusted'.

Today, i've learnt something. Eventhough, you might be suffering from heatwaves or stress on several matters, life will still go on and u will never die from it. All this obstacles come as a reason. The dude upstairs, wants us to learn the hard things as it may be beneficial in the future.

Futsal was pretty fine today. Played with few new fellas who were pretty good. Decided to play my game and not humiliate myself. Overall, i did not humiliate but i kena 'PANNA' once. Haihh!!! Slack betul! Need to get back my groove and enjoy the game. Beginning to feel that vibe now. Last time, i was pretty lazy and lack that vibe. Now i feel it's coming back to me and it's good.

Currently on my bed and pondering what to do later. I just follow the flow and enjoy my day.

Kudos..

=)

Cherished private moment...=)

Having a rich cup of coffee, novel by your side and the stars gazing at you. This is HEAVEN!!! The chirping of birds, breeze of air and the tune of music. These things sweeps you off your feet. I've never experienced this for a very long time. I wish i had this kind of moment all the time. You are basically out of the real world. You can call this as PANDORA if you want to! Normally you fantasise this kind of ambience but experiencing the fantasy.... It leaves you speechless.

I've never really done this before but today was exceptional, Something in me told me to write this experience, Some might find this plain fictional or crappy but it's very surreal. Assignments. mid terms, tutorials, lectures and counselling sections, they get into your nerves! People say that college life is not an easy ride. Basically, i'm proving people right. Besides that, so claim that i look down and emotional.

This i've got to admit, i'm pretty down for the past few months. Even outsiders can say that i'm looking all emotional. Some might say that the problems that i face are petty. It might be petty to you but the pain is just unbearable. When i finally found my LOVE, GOD had other plans for him. Had to respect his decision. It was painful but i'm beginning to accept it slowly. At times, we cannot get all we want. We just have to be content with what we have.

During my private moment, i realised how important my family and friends are! My dad, mum chitti and brother are the pinnacle behind my successes. Not to forget, my friends! When i'm down, they are there for me. There are so many friends which i can list down. All of them are just plain awesome. These people are the pillars that made me into who i am!

During this time, i realised that i'm still learning. Learning process will never end. It's everlasting. As a 19 year old, i shall learn from life experiences and become a better person. Whoever who claims to have achieved perfectness is plain idiotic. Sorry for the harsh words but this is the fact. Humans are not perfect.We tend to do mistakes and everyone knows that. Even Barack Obama is not that almighty himself. He has made mistakes and worked hard to become the man he is now.

I just wanted to share this as the thought came into my mind. I'm just hoping that i'm able to experience this in the years to come.

Kudos

=)

*I dedicate this post to Lau Kai Mun, Kok Wai Siong, Tan Si Nan, Arshveen Seelan, Kapildeiv Valmurugan, Vimal Sevaguru, Thineshwaran, Taharumalengam, Amutha Superanmani and Selvarany... : )

2010 - A year to start my journals....

I met this man from America during my journey back to Malaysia from Thailand. Peter was his name. He is a writer. During the course of his journey, he was constantly writing and mummered some words. Out of curiousity, i asked him

" Sir, writing for your next book huh"

He answered

" Nope, it's my journal and write stuffs that comes into my mind all the time. It helps my writing plus it's passion"

From that moment i realised, why not i have my own journal? Just 'yakkity yak' some stuffs everyday and at the same time improve my writing skills.

Then came up this idea of having a blog. I'm sure everyone knows what is a blog. My friends have been encouraging me to open blog but i was having this 'DON'T CARE SYNDROME' at that time. However, this Peter guy made me to open blog. I just don't know why it suddenly uttered in my mind to open a blog.

This is basically a brief intro. Something like 'Pembuka Selera' for this blog. Anyone who views this blog, please do comment.

Take care and have a nice day.

=)